Thank you so much Sharon for speaking aloud when so many are self-censoring. We have been shaken like ants in a jar for many years now. My own journey with othering began when I was banned by friends and organisations for making non pharmaceutical health choices around covid. The narrative around this did much to legitimise othering and fuel false narratives with fear. The lies around all of that have still not been acknowledged but it taught me the valuable lesson to always look at the inconvenient perspectives which are not allowed in the public square. My abiding vision of that time was of watching the scenery torn away to reveal the wizard cranking the machinery. I believe a time is coming where we will relate heart to heart, and maybe that is the only way of healing the as-yet unacknowledged wrongs. Meanwhile, back in the 3D world I think this substack makes a fair point at the narrative control which has poured so much fuel on the fire: https://open.substack.com/pub/boriquagato/p/lies-damn-lies-and-post-truth-media?r=q0wf4&utm_medium=ios The narratives are set globally, but that top-down control is on the way out. As a wise man said, the dragon is dead, just stay out of the way of the tail.
The other day, I grabbed a wooden spoon I keep in a special mug on a kitchen shelf. The spoon is an extra one for stirring my mushroom coffee and I decided to pack it for a trip with my husband who is seeking medical care out of town. The spoon looked strangely dark. Curious as to why, I got down the mug and saw about an inch of brackish water. That was strange. When I dumped the contents into the sink, a black creature, some sort of nymph, writhed. Maybe it’s the unsettling times or maybe it’s the uncertainty of my husband’s health but it unsettled me deeply and I overreacted by rinsing it down the sink and turning on the garbage disposal. Immediately I felt ashamed for trying to annihilate the unknown other. Why did I react that way? Why wasn’t I more curious? Had I paused after discovering the unexpected guest, I’d have remembered the farm flowers I had placed in the mug a week earlier. I’d have offered a nymph a chance to relocate to my own garden (the flowers having come from my daughter’s place). Maybe a dragonfly or something else might have transitioned while I traveled, might have blessed my home. I didn’t give the “bear” a chance to warm bones by the fire. Reading your post has helped me understand why this has remained a distressing image to me. I, we, cannot lose any more hospitality to reactive othering.
And yet we have all those atavistic fears too, don't we. They're understandable and sometimes their focus can be a real threat rather than an imagined one. Maybe your body thought you were looking at a poisonous spider! As always, it's learning to flight/flight the real rather than the ones that prey on our imagination. I hope your husband is doing okay.
Yes, we have deeply programmed reactions and yet mythology can cast a new light on the shadows, inviting curiosity. I have a place for this image now, between reactive othering and responsive hospitality. And thank you, my husband has surgery in the morning. We’ve made it this far and have encountered many friendly people on our trip.
This really stuck out to me from your article: "Feeling an affinity for the old myths and folklore of the place you come from, and having the sense that these stories constitute your lineage, doesn’t have to be either aggrandising or excluding." So well said and so true. Thank you for this post.
Like others here, I am grateful that you have shared this post, Sharon, and for your nuanced and somehow freeing perspectives. It comes to me as I write that you are sharing a perspective rather than stating a position. It's hard not to get into fixed positions when we feel under threat, as people on both 'sides' do at present. I think that I - and we all - have some hard work to do to keep open to the perspectives of others, and not to adopt uncriticly any stories that emerge about others, especially through media, as more important than our individual, grounded experiences of ourselves and one another. I see myself and others slipping into stress responses which simplify our thinking and our views of others. Useful for fighting tigers or wolves, maybe, but dangerous on social media. I think we need to create peace. First, maybe by calming and loving ourselves, and by practising being calm, loving and open with those around us. Let's spread peace.
Thank you again for this very powerful post. I love seeing your writing here as it balances out the course at Pacifica for me. The intro to Paul Kingsnorth is very helpful, looking through his post I stumbled upon Martin Shaw, the story teller. I would love to hear your thoughts on him. Martin Shaw brought me back to sanity during Covid. His love of the land and place is extremely mystical which draws me in and validates so many of my own experiences on the land.
Thank you again for leading us to the nurturing wells.
Hi Katherine – you're going to need to forgive me if I don't much comment in detail about people publicly in writing here. Martin is certainly a genius storyteller. Hope you're enjoying the Pacifica course!
Thank you, Sharon, for your words and the thoughts they inspire. I have lately been trying to refashion my own thoughts and words in what start as or could be polarizing conversations with “and also” instead of “but” or “however”, and “either … or “ with “both… and …”. For me, anyway, it provides a pause (and breath) and a shift, opening me (and just maybe my companion) to a more curious frame of mind.
thank you for raising these difficult issues Sharon. I struggle with how the individual maintains hospitality for others when the media and the state are promoting exclusion. I have strong opinions, and have been opinionated, but your piece highlighted what is becoming very clear to me that standing in a trench sending missiles to the other side leads to further anger and hate. Trying to move to a position of listening to others is key for me - but so tricky to establish in these heightened and emotive situations. Your writing has helped me to feel strong and to stand up for discourse rather than asserting a position...I will continue to reflect on my communication skills .
Thank you, and those are precisely the words, aren't they: switching 'asserting a position' for 'discourse'. None of us are ever going to be perfect at climbing out of the trenches, but we're getting to a stage I think where not trying isn't going to end well!
Hi Sharon! Brand new subscriber to "The Hearth" but reader of yours for several years. I subscribed the day you posted this article and I happened to be feeling quite low about the news and what's going on in the world today. You expressed perfectly how I've been feeling. Like you, I ENJOY not belonging to a box. You're so right - it confuses people. I am thankful I have a husband who feels the same way. As he states, "Can't we all just be nice to each other and everyone calm down?" Sharon, if you were ever "cancelled," I would certainly still read your work! I do think another factor of your not being cancelled has to do with your approach. You speak (write) kindly, gently, and lovingly. You put others at the forefront of your concern. I find you impossible to dislike! I do feel that in the attempt to find belonging, people find comfort in taking defined sides. While I find nuance and openness to possibility exciting, and further, I enjoy being in state of perpetual "awe," these concepts for many people are scary. Your words are better than a warm hug. Talk to you soon!
Hi Vanessa, and what a lovely thing to say. In person I can be quite forthright – a function of my northern English upbringing – and a younger man I've been working with on something recently implied to me that I could be a bit intimidating, if not downright scary! But then a lot of people do seem to find older women who are clear about their needs and boundaries, and who say no as much as they say yes, a bit scary! The trick, I think, for all women as we age is to find ways of mining our knowledge and conveying it firmly, but without scolding, or dousing it in the sauce of our often decades-long frustration ... And, if we're going to highlight the absurdities of contemporary life, always, always to soften it with a healthy dose of fun-poking at ourselves too. I do often wish we might see that in more people who put themselves out there as the purveyors of wondrous wisdom!
Haha! I do suppose the intimidating factor depends on your audience. I'm sure that younger man is not used to women his age speaking with such confidence! I have settled into my very "middle aged" confidence and very much look forward to the elder wisdom to come. I will say, it's so much better than being "young." I've worked as a flight attendant for the past 10 years and completely understand the requirement of being forthright-- something that definitely came with time for me. I received a nice compliment from a male crewmember the other day who said he liked my way of being very direct but kind at the same time. I used to think directness meant being "mean," and now I feel it's the only way I can talk these days. And yes, fun-poking is essential and certainly a part of your charm.
Thank you for helping me make sense of my feelings; it has been a difficult few days. I'm an American that was raised by a Scottish dad and an American mom. I love your writing (new to substack and not on social media) and feel your words here in this post to the core in a refreshing and.honest way. "Othering" will be my go to word moving forward. Othering, I feel, is somehow kind and maybe, just maybe, will help others to pause and be curious and not immediately defensive. If I could ask the universe only one thing - I would ask how we heal. Thank you, dear Sharon, for your wisdom and kindness. Cheers
American here. I agree with not othering, as it disallows us to look at our own shadow. The expression, "choose your enemy well, for that is what you will become." Not sure who wrote that, but its true. We can't let ourselves surrender to hate.
I see my country falling apart before my eyes. I think if it wasn't for social media this would not be happening. And I have to call out Russian disinformation, which I believe has amped all this up 1000 fold. The only way I see this ending for us in the US, if things keep progressing as they are now, is that we are either going to be living under an authoritarian theocracy, or we figure out how to create a huge non-violent protest movement as they did here in the 60's- and if we do that, many people will suffer and die trying to save this country.
It is very hard not to react with hate to people who want you dead, and say so with glee and excitement about how they would like to make that happen. And if that person they want dead is your child, even more so. An, I am trying so hard to not let my heart be corrupted by the hate directed toward my family. We do not feel safe in public anymore. For us this is not about land or patriotism. We are the ones being being othered.
Thank you so much for this excellent piece, Sharon. I cannot tell you how on point it is for me today. I was on a train north the day Paul was getting monstered and, not being a social media person, I was able to offer him a perspective from outside the frenzied loop. This week saw me getting slammed by email by a well-known left wing friend (who I love and have known for thirty years) for suggesting that we all need to talk to each other and stop othering each other. He said that by not condemning the flag people as utterly evil, one is on the side of 'fascists'. Whereas I said that I condemn their behaviour but that we need less polarisation, not more, and perhaps some negotiators skilled in Nonviolent Communication. I reminded him of how the Good Friday Agreement only got made by people who had been mortal enemies sitting down with each other in Northern Ireland. Likewise regarding apartheid in South Africa. Countless lives have been saved by those difficult conversations.
Sadly my friend and I will have to agree to disagree for a while. I believe in the humanity of even the awful thugs in London this weekend and I do not want them 'put up against the wall and shot'. But I am not saying I know how to get peace or agreement here, that will take very skilful people, and time. Our enemies are not each other, the ordinary folk. We are being manipulated from above by the monstrously rich and powerful. Surely some of the ire should accrue upwards, towards them, not laterally at our fellows? It is a sad time and I hope you have some great time away from screens.
Thank you so much Sharon for speaking aloud when so many are self-censoring. We have been shaken like ants in a jar for many years now. My own journey with othering began when I was banned by friends and organisations for making non pharmaceutical health choices around covid. The narrative around this did much to legitimise othering and fuel false narratives with fear. The lies around all of that have still not been acknowledged but it taught me the valuable lesson to always look at the inconvenient perspectives which are not allowed in the public square. My abiding vision of that time was of watching the scenery torn away to reveal the wizard cranking the machinery. I believe a time is coming where we will relate heart to heart, and maybe that is the only way of healing the as-yet unacknowledged wrongs. Meanwhile, back in the 3D world I think this substack makes a fair point at the narrative control which has poured so much fuel on the fire: https://open.substack.com/pub/boriquagato/p/lies-damn-lies-and-post-truth-media?r=q0wf4&utm_medium=ios The narratives are set globally, but that top-down control is on the way out. As a wise man said, the dragon is dead, just stay out of the way of the tail.
Thank you for this! People are fed up and it’s beyond the pale at this point!
The other day, I grabbed a wooden spoon I keep in a special mug on a kitchen shelf. The spoon is an extra one for stirring my mushroom coffee and I decided to pack it for a trip with my husband who is seeking medical care out of town. The spoon looked strangely dark. Curious as to why, I got down the mug and saw about an inch of brackish water. That was strange. When I dumped the contents into the sink, a black creature, some sort of nymph, writhed. Maybe it’s the unsettling times or maybe it’s the uncertainty of my husband’s health but it unsettled me deeply and I overreacted by rinsing it down the sink and turning on the garbage disposal. Immediately I felt ashamed for trying to annihilate the unknown other. Why did I react that way? Why wasn’t I more curious? Had I paused after discovering the unexpected guest, I’d have remembered the farm flowers I had placed in the mug a week earlier. I’d have offered a nymph a chance to relocate to my own garden (the flowers having come from my daughter’s place). Maybe a dragonfly or something else might have transitioned while I traveled, might have blessed my home. I didn’t give the “bear” a chance to warm bones by the fire. Reading your post has helped me understand why this has remained a distressing image to me. I, we, cannot lose any more hospitality to reactive othering.
And yet we have all those atavistic fears too, don't we. They're understandable and sometimes their focus can be a real threat rather than an imagined one. Maybe your body thought you were looking at a poisonous spider! As always, it's learning to flight/flight the real rather than the ones that prey on our imagination. I hope your husband is doing okay.
Yes, we have deeply programmed reactions and yet mythology can cast a new light on the shadows, inviting curiosity. I have a place for this image now, between reactive othering and responsive hospitality. And thank you, my husband has surgery in the morning. We’ve made it this far and have encountered many friendly people on our trip.
This really stuck out to me from your article: "Feeling an affinity for the old myths and folklore of the place you come from, and having the sense that these stories constitute your lineage, doesn’t have to be either aggrandising or excluding." So well said and so true. Thank you for this post.
Like others here, I am grateful that you have shared this post, Sharon, and for your nuanced and somehow freeing perspectives. It comes to me as I write that you are sharing a perspective rather than stating a position. It's hard not to get into fixed positions when we feel under threat, as people on both 'sides' do at present. I think that I - and we all - have some hard work to do to keep open to the perspectives of others, and not to adopt uncriticly any stories that emerge about others, especially through media, as more important than our individual, grounded experiences of ourselves and one another. I see myself and others slipping into stress responses which simplify our thinking and our views of others. Useful for fighting tigers or wolves, maybe, but dangerous on social media. I think we need to create peace. First, maybe by calming and loving ourselves, and by practising being calm, loving and open with those around us. Let's spread peace.
Stress responses, for sure, and we've had a good few years of extra stress recently, haven't we. And a few wolves emerging out of the shadows!
Aye, indeed, but which are wolves, and how do we tell them from the enchanted princes!
Dr. Blackie,
Thank you again for this very powerful post. I love seeing your writing here as it balances out the course at Pacifica for me. The intro to Paul Kingsnorth is very helpful, looking through his post I stumbled upon Martin Shaw, the story teller. I would love to hear your thoughts on him. Martin Shaw brought me back to sanity during Covid. His love of the land and place is extremely mystical which draws me in and validates so many of my own experiences on the land.
Thank you again for leading us to the nurturing wells.
Hi Katherine – you're going to need to forgive me if I don't much comment in detail about people publicly in writing here. Martin is certainly a genius storyteller. Hope you're enjoying the Pacifica course!
Thank you so much for writing this, Sharon from an American, longtime subscriber who identifies with so much of what you've said here. Your post inspired me to be brave enough to publish my own: https://open.substack.com/pub/meaganfrancis/p/we-have-to-stop-flattening-ourselves?r=evv7i&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Yes. YES! Thank you.
Thank you, Sharon, for your words and the thoughts they inspire. I have lately been trying to refashion my own thoughts and words in what start as or could be polarizing conversations with “and also” instead of “but” or “however”, and “either … or “ with “both… and …”. For me, anyway, it provides a pause (and breath) and a shift, opening me (and just maybe my companion) to a more curious frame of mind.
‘I wonder if’ is often a good beginning. And thank you.
thank you for raising these difficult issues Sharon. I struggle with how the individual maintains hospitality for others when the media and the state are promoting exclusion. I have strong opinions, and have been opinionated, but your piece highlighted what is becoming very clear to me that standing in a trench sending missiles to the other side leads to further anger and hate. Trying to move to a position of listening to others is key for me - but so tricky to establish in these heightened and emotive situations. Your writing has helped me to feel strong and to stand up for discourse rather than asserting a position...I will continue to reflect on my communication skills .
Thank you, and those are precisely the words, aren't they: switching 'asserting a position' for 'discourse'. None of us are ever going to be perfect at climbing out of the trenches, but we're getting to a stage I think where not trying isn't going to end well!
Hi Sharon! Brand new subscriber to "The Hearth" but reader of yours for several years. I subscribed the day you posted this article and I happened to be feeling quite low about the news and what's going on in the world today. You expressed perfectly how I've been feeling. Like you, I ENJOY not belonging to a box. You're so right - it confuses people. I am thankful I have a husband who feels the same way. As he states, "Can't we all just be nice to each other and everyone calm down?" Sharon, if you were ever "cancelled," I would certainly still read your work! I do think another factor of your not being cancelled has to do with your approach. You speak (write) kindly, gently, and lovingly. You put others at the forefront of your concern. I find you impossible to dislike! I do feel that in the attempt to find belonging, people find comfort in taking defined sides. While I find nuance and openness to possibility exciting, and further, I enjoy being in state of perpetual "awe," these concepts for many people are scary. Your words are better than a warm hug. Talk to you soon!
Hi Vanessa, and what a lovely thing to say. In person I can be quite forthright – a function of my northern English upbringing – and a younger man I've been working with on something recently implied to me that I could be a bit intimidating, if not downright scary! But then a lot of people do seem to find older women who are clear about their needs and boundaries, and who say no as much as they say yes, a bit scary! The trick, I think, for all women as we age is to find ways of mining our knowledge and conveying it firmly, but without scolding, or dousing it in the sauce of our often decades-long frustration ... And, if we're going to highlight the absurdities of contemporary life, always, always to soften it with a healthy dose of fun-poking at ourselves too. I do often wish we might see that in more people who put themselves out there as the purveyors of wondrous wisdom!
Haha! I do suppose the intimidating factor depends on your audience. I'm sure that younger man is not used to women his age speaking with such confidence! I have settled into my very "middle aged" confidence and very much look forward to the elder wisdom to come. I will say, it's so much better than being "young." I've worked as a flight attendant for the past 10 years and completely understand the requirement of being forthright-- something that definitely came with time for me. I received a nice compliment from a male crewmember the other day who said he liked my way of being very direct but kind at the same time. I used to think directness meant being "mean," and now I feel it's the only way I can talk these days. And yes, fun-poking is essential and certainly a part of your charm.
Thank you Sharon.
Thank you for helping me make sense of my feelings; it has been a difficult few days. I'm an American that was raised by a Scottish dad and an American mom. I love your writing (new to substack and not on social media) and feel your words here in this post to the core in a refreshing and.honest way. "Othering" will be my go to word moving forward. Othering, I feel, is somehow kind and maybe, just maybe, will help others to pause and be curious and not immediately defensive. If I could ask the universe only one thing - I would ask how we heal. Thank you, dear Sharon, for your wisdom and kindness. Cheers
American here. I agree with not othering, as it disallows us to look at our own shadow. The expression, "choose your enemy well, for that is what you will become." Not sure who wrote that, but its true. We can't let ourselves surrender to hate.
I see my country falling apart before my eyes. I think if it wasn't for social media this would not be happening. And I have to call out Russian disinformation, which I believe has amped all this up 1000 fold. The only way I see this ending for us in the US, if things keep progressing as they are now, is that we are either going to be living under an authoritarian theocracy, or we figure out how to create a huge non-violent protest movement as they did here in the 60's- and if we do that, many people will suffer and die trying to save this country.
It is very hard not to react with hate to people who want you dead, and say so with glee and excitement about how they would like to make that happen. And if that person they want dead is your child, even more so. An, I am trying so hard to not let my heart be corrupted by the hate directed toward my family. We do not feel safe in public anymore. For us this is not about land or patriotism. We are the ones being being othered.
Thank you so much for this excellent piece, Sharon. I cannot tell you how on point it is for me today. I was on a train north the day Paul was getting monstered and, not being a social media person, I was able to offer him a perspective from outside the frenzied loop. This week saw me getting slammed by email by a well-known left wing friend (who I love and have known for thirty years) for suggesting that we all need to talk to each other and stop othering each other. He said that by not condemning the flag people as utterly evil, one is on the side of 'fascists'. Whereas I said that I condemn their behaviour but that we need less polarisation, not more, and perhaps some negotiators skilled in Nonviolent Communication. I reminded him of how the Good Friday Agreement only got made by people who had been mortal enemies sitting down with each other in Northern Ireland. Likewise regarding apartheid in South Africa. Countless lives have been saved by those difficult conversations.
Sadly my friend and I will have to agree to disagree for a while. I believe in the humanity of even the awful thugs in London this weekend and I do not want them 'put up against the wall and shot'. But I am not saying I know how to get peace or agreement here, that will take very skilful people, and time. Our enemies are not each other, the ordinary folk. We are being manipulated from above by the monstrously rich and powerful. Surely some of the ire should accrue upwards, towards them, not laterally at our fellows? It is a sad time and I hope you have some great time away from screens.
Beautifully conveyed, as always.