Well I no longer feel like a flawed, under developed human being for wanting to sleep alone. I've avoided retreats and events where sharing is the only option and assumed it was just me and that I had some more inner work to do! My nervous system needs a lot of time on its own, with nature and devoid of human noise. I'm delighted to be in the company of wind, waves and the Oyster Catchers (who are back here in Orkney too).
Completely agree with walking alone, and I also appreciate the gracious nod to the oystercatcher. I wrote a little about my journey with them late last year. asherpackman.substack.com/p/my-blood-footed-keeper
I am not totally antisocial (I share my bedroom with two dogs and a cat) but I will not sleep with other humans.
In my early days of teaching I was frequently required to be billeted in the organiser’s home. Evenings were invariably times of interrogation, so much so that it was sometimes hard to distinguish where I was with the teaching, as I would feel I was repeating myself , having had to answer questions the night before.
It became essential to request separate accommodations to ensure solitude and silence so as to prepare for work.
I remember being invited to Italy to teach, and some months before the event, receiving an email from one of the enrolled students telling me how excited she was to be sharing a room with me and how she was looking forward to learning so much during “our evening chats”. I promptly reminded the organiser of my requirement for a single room (not least so that I could gather my wits in private and prepare for each day’s teaching). Their response was unequivocal :: this student would be paying extra to share a room with me. In an act of self preservation I cancelled the engagement, as it was clear there would not be a moment’s respite.
What a joy, and moment of synchronicity to read this this morning. I had just pulled Gift From the Sea from my shelves for my Sunday in bed book gorge. I haven't opened it for years, and the faded yellow postsits marking "Solitude" as quotes for my Self Nurture workshops many years ago, opened up to the very quote you mentioned!! I've been picturing solitary shepherd's huts parked by empty beaches (hard to find now in Cornwall!). Then reading your words about sharing sleeping space, and even others houses for just a night (!), helped me feel a normal member of the human race again!! Thank you!! Yes, I'd be in that car, scrunched up, but with just myself for company!
'Single rooms'? Is the first question I ask for any writing course, meditation retreat, yoga training....like you - 'I won't be coming' is the answer!
I think it's time to start scrolling for that solitary "hut" time. Thanks for the shove 🙏🙏👌
I feel soothed this morning reading your words on solitude. After a busy week of social engagements, today I need my solitude, which I had to defend at the cost of having to tell others “I’m sorry but I just can’t today”…. which was really hard to say. I don’t even have the energy or the will to make up a lie or an excuse. I just want and need to be alone today. It’s still challenging as an adult (approaching 40) to say that I need solitude as I was told so often when I was younger that this behaviour was “weird”, unsocial and/or reclusive - all things to avoid apparently.
I also have stopped going to retreats where room sharing is the only option available. I need that physical boundary of a personal room to decompress and let go of the day.
What a wonderful discussion thread has been spun from your rich writing, Sharon! I do feel supported by contributors’ whole hearted expressions of their desire to be alone in nature. This too is what I prefer.
There is something I take from this about there being a time to be gregarious and socialise and a time to “fill up with spirit”, to recharge, and we each of us need different amounts of this time for inner balance. We each need to achieve this balance with focus and awareness. Our culture is full of noise, chatter and distraction that prevent individuals from touching their centre and true self. I think there are many people who are held together by this continuous noise and chatter and are afraid of being alone to hear their inner selves; afraid of being alive in the present moment. Many people cry out that they are above all, lonely. But nature calls all of us. I like to think that we are living in a time of urgency now when more and more people will find their own ways to enrich their inner lives and wake up to their unique, healing life path.
Solitude is medicine. If I've not had enough of it I feel short-changed and get short-tempered.
Solitude in nature allows me to drop all my defenses, to melt, and listen within, whole worlds open. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to be myself so completely with humans. I do aspire to it, maybe in my 60's.
Solitude is necessary to me, too. A pox on shared rooms! I would guess many of us are introverts? I've been judged by extraverts my whole life for being different than they are. Their "anti-social" is my "recharging." Not surprisingly I do not spend much time in groups, as I always want to go my own way, in my own timing, at my own pace, and focus on what I personally find interesting. I'm in it for me, ha. But yes, that assumption that there is only one way to be, THEIR way, feels like a way of trying to keep us in line, right? And I have no time for any of that.
Thank you for this. I have a hard enough time falling asleep in my own bed by myself, much less in a hotel room, even with someone I know. I cannot relax enough to fall asleep. I toss and turn and worry that it's keeping my roommate awake. Then there's my frequent trips to the bathroom made more frequent with anxiety. One of my needlepoint friends suggested that I share a room with her and another woman I know during a retreat. I didn't even try to explain the terror I felt. The cost of a separate bedroom is minimal to the cost imposed on my physical and emotional bodies by sharing a bedroom.
I am totally with you on this! As a younger woman/activist, I would bring my tent. I don’t mind sharing a lot of things, but I need to sleep in my own space. Even in a relationship. It’s non-negotiable.
I do so understand where you are coming from. I prefer to walk alone in nature (and it is such a different experience to walking with others - although I have successfully managed to walk 'alone' with a group) and the thought of sharing a room with strangers is not in the slightest appealing!
You have uncannily expressed my heart and mind on this issue. Thank you so much.
Well I no longer feel like a flawed, under developed human being for wanting to sleep alone. I've avoided retreats and events where sharing is the only option and assumed it was just me and that I had some more inner work to do! My nervous system needs a lot of time on its own, with nature and devoid of human noise. I'm delighted to be in the company of wind, waves and the Oyster Catchers (who are back here in Orkney too).
Completely agree with walking alone, and I also appreciate the gracious nod to the oystercatcher. I wrote a little about my journey with them late last year. asherpackman.substack.com/p/my-blood-footed-keeper
I am not totally antisocial (I share my bedroom with two dogs and a cat) but I will not sleep with other humans.
In my early days of teaching I was frequently required to be billeted in the organiser’s home. Evenings were invariably times of interrogation, so much so that it was sometimes hard to distinguish where I was with the teaching, as I would feel I was repeating myself , having had to answer questions the night before.
It became essential to request separate accommodations to ensure solitude and silence so as to prepare for work.
I remember being invited to Italy to teach, and some months before the event, receiving an email from one of the enrolled students telling me how excited she was to be sharing a room with me and how she was looking forward to learning so much during “our evening chats”. I promptly reminded the organiser of my requirement for a single room (not least so that I could gather my wits in private and prepare for each day’s teaching). Their response was unequivocal :: this student would be paying extra to share a room with me. In an act of self preservation I cancelled the engagement, as it was clear there would not be a moment’s respite.
Blimey. That was a good act of self-preservation!
With age cometh a modicum of wisdom 😉
I feel so seen! I too must have my own room wherever I go. Thank you for this!
What a joy, and moment of synchronicity to read this this morning. I had just pulled Gift From the Sea from my shelves for my Sunday in bed book gorge. I haven't opened it for years, and the faded yellow postsits marking "Solitude" as quotes for my Self Nurture workshops many years ago, opened up to the very quote you mentioned!! I've been picturing solitary shepherd's huts parked by empty beaches (hard to find now in Cornwall!). Then reading your words about sharing sleeping space, and even others houses for just a night (!), helped me feel a normal member of the human race again!! Thank you!! Yes, I'd be in that car, scrunched up, but with just myself for company!
'Single rooms'? Is the first question I ask for any writing course, meditation retreat, yoga training....like you - 'I won't be coming' is the answer!
I think it's time to start scrolling for that solitary "hut" time. Thanks for the shove 🙏🙏👌
Completely makes sense - all of it (apart from the dive bombing oyster catcher which is extraordinary) - thank you.
It was very extraordinary!
I’m imagining what evasive action your dog learnt!
I feel soothed this morning reading your words on solitude. After a busy week of social engagements, today I need my solitude, which I had to defend at the cost of having to tell others “I’m sorry but I just can’t today”…. which was really hard to say. I don’t even have the energy or the will to make up a lie or an excuse. I just want and need to be alone today. It’s still challenging as an adult (approaching 40) to say that I need solitude as I was told so often when I was younger that this behaviour was “weird”, unsocial and/or reclusive - all things to avoid apparently.
I also have stopped going to retreats where room sharing is the only option available. I need that physical boundary of a personal room to decompress and let go of the day.
What a wonderful discussion thread has been spun from your rich writing, Sharon! I do feel supported by contributors’ whole hearted expressions of their desire to be alone in nature. This too is what I prefer.
There is something I take from this about there being a time to be gregarious and socialise and a time to “fill up with spirit”, to recharge, and we each of us need different amounts of this time for inner balance. We each need to achieve this balance with focus and awareness. Our culture is full of noise, chatter and distraction that prevent individuals from touching their centre and true self. I think there are many people who are held together by this continuous noise and chatter and are afraid of being alone to hear their inner selves; afraid of being alive in the present moment. Many people cry out that they are above all, lonely. But nature calls all of us. I like to think that we are living in a time of urgency now when more and more people will find their own ways to enrich their inner lives and wake up to their unique, healing life path.
Solitude is medicine. If I've not had enough of it I feel short-changed and get short-tempered.
Solitude in nature allows me to drop all my defenses, to melt, and listen within, whole worlds open. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to be myself so completely with humans. I do aspire to it, maybe in my 60's.
Solitude is necessary to me, too. A pox on shared rooms! I would guess many of us are introverts? I've been judged by extraverts my whole life for being different than they are. Their "anti-social" is my "recharging." Not surprisingly I do not spend much time in groups, as I always want to go my own way, in my own timing, at my own pace, and focus on what I personally find interesting. I'm in it for me, ha. But yes, that assumption that there is only one way to be, THEIR way, feels like a way of trying to keep us in line, right? And I have no time for any of that.
A pox, indeed!
Thank you for this. I have a hard enough time falling asleep in my own bed by myself, much less in a hotel room, even with someone I know. I cannot relax enough to fall asleep. I toss and turn and worry that it's keeping my roommate awake. Then there's my frequent trips to the bathroom made more frequent with anxiety. One of my needlepoint friends suggested that I share a room with her and another woman I know during a retreat. I didn't even try to explain the terror I felt. The cost of a separate bedroom is minimal to the cost imposed on my physical and emotional bodies by sharing a bedroom.
I am totally with you on this! As a younger woman/activist, I would bring my tent. I don’t mind sharing a lot of things, but I need to sleep in my own space. Even in a relationship. It’s non-negotiable.
I do so understand where you are coming from. I prefer to walk alone in nature (and it is such a different experience to walking with others - although I have successfully managed to walk 'alone' with a group) and the thought of sharing a room with strangers is not in the slightest appealing!
This so resonates for me Sharon. I have been on many retreats over the years and always opt for a room on my own. During such times I need solitude.
Thank you, Sharon, for championing us lovers of solitude. I needed the encouragement.